Table For One

I walked into one of my favorite restaurants seeking a carb fix and sat alone. It wasn’t the first time I dined alone, but this time was a little more poignant. I ordered my meal, and a heavy pour of Merlot, and sat at a table for one. I picked up my book I’m currently reading, and as my food came, I enjoyed the quiet, the uninteruption and just read.

This used to be one of the hardest things for me to do; to just sit and enjoy myself. Granted I do still have a lot on my mind at any given moment – the dishes, the laundry, the kids, school, etc – but I no longer find myself so compelled to get up and do it all right in that moment that I don’t enjoy the moment itself.

It’s no secret that the last year and nine months have been incredibly hard. This week marks one year since my divorce was finalized, and one year since my kids have had overnight visitations with their Dad on standard weekends, etc. Those weekends are the hardest for me because they’re my babies and I only want to see them safe.

“Oh, but Amanda, you get every other weekend off from having to do any Mom duties! How nice is that?!” 

Ya, I used to be one of those too. Envious of the Moms who got regular overnight breaks from their kids. Let me be the first to tell you though, sisters, that the cost I had to pay to get those “overnight breaks” from my dear, precious children, was NOT worth it. Their family was torn apart. Their Mom and Dad don’t live together. They have to constantly transition from one house to another. They will deal with the pain and confusion of coming from a divorced family for a very long time, if not forever. Watching their pain pains me. As I’ve said before, though, yes, I’m happier and I feel that us being divorced is even healthier for the kids than us staying together, especially with how our marriage ended and how he continues to behave, but it doesn’t trump the fact that that their little worlds were still rocked in a way I never wished for them.

So to all you single ladies and moms out there, get out and order a table for one. Bring your favorite book, or hell, play on your phone if you want! Enjoy yourself. Relax. Get a drink. Order a giant ass bowl of pasta and eat it with no regret! Spend some time not having to answer five thousand questions from someone. Go to bed early and sleep in late. Take time to recharge yourself, because self-care is NOT the same thing as selfishness. Do you hear me?

Married moms and ladies, get out and order a table for one. Bring your favorite book, or hell, play on your phone if you want! Enjoy yourself. Relax. Get a drink. Order a giant ass bowl of pasta and eat it with no regret! Spend some time not having to answer five thousand questions from someone. Go to bed early and sleep in late. Take time to recharge yourself, because self-care is NOT the same thing as selfishness. Do you hear me?

Do y’all hear me?!

Whether you’re single or married, with or without kids, you MUST take time for yourself! We, as women, tend to take on the problems and emotions of the world around us, and if we don’t take time to take care of ourselves we will crumble under that weight. Take time. If you have to make arrangements for yourself with a babysitter or swap out with a friend to make that time, then do it! You need it, but more importantly you deserve it.

“Hi, how many?”

“Table for one, please.”

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