This day I longed for in my early twenties. I was married just shy of my 21st birthday, and from our first anniversary for the better part of four years my ex-husband and I struggled with infertility. I had my first miscarriage right before our anniversary. Our second was right around our second anniversary. The third happened a short time before our fourth anniversary. Each time I felt more and more isolated, more and more ashamed, more and more broken. I suffered through each one alone and silent.
Why was it happening to me?
I was left with a myriad of unanswered questions throughout those years. I did find out I was pregnant with my oldest, beautifully healthy daughter, just a month after my third miscarriage. I’m so thankful for her, but my heart does feel unsettled still. Why did I go through those years? What purpose did it serve? I may never have those answered until I’m in heaven one day, but one thing I’ve seen already is that through my suffering I’ve learned to be more understanding and compassionate, and have come in contact with other couples on multiple occasions experiencing the same tragedy and I’ve been able to share with them and listen to their needs. I think those years, as well as my year through divorce, have shown me that our sufferings allow us to shed light to others.
Now I’m single, so what?
Last year was my first Mother’s Day as a single mom. It felt weird to me. At the time my kids were 2 and 3 years old. Their preschool always has them complete a project of some sort to give to you on this day, but in my mind I looked forward to mother’s day the most because I thought my partner would celebrate me for bringing our children into this world. I was in labor for 45 1/2 hours with my oldest daughter and a very hard 9 hours with my youngest. I guess I thought, maybe even desired, for someone to say that I made them grateful, that they were proud of me, that they appreciated the sacrifices I made to have them, as well as the daily sacrifices I made to raise them as a work-from-home mom. Those unmet desires and attuning that my heart didn’t receive for years prior to even becoming single left me in a very weird state last year. Next weekend I’ll celebrate my second mother’s day single, and to be honest, I totally forgot it was mother’s day coming up until just a couple of days ago! Is that sad? Maybe it’s just a season I’m in, but my wish for all of you moms out there, married, single, young, old, is that you feel an overwhelming sense of appreciation on your day! Even if there’s not a physical person to provide you with flowers, breakfast in bed, or even just kind words, I hope and pray that you speak those words over yourself, because you’re worthy and they’re true.
Men, are you still searching for a gift? Help me help you. The mother in your life will LOVE this!! <Rescue & Renew Set> Choose the entire set, or 1-2 pieces. They’re all amazing!