Father’s Day Is Weird

Father’s Day…..it rolls around once a year and to this day, at 30 years old, I still feel a void that I really can’t put words to. My Dad and I have repaired a good deal of our relationship in recent years. While it’s not where I’d like it to be, it’s a great deal better than it was 10 years ago. I grew up with a wonderful step-father who’s been in my life for going on 23 years now. So what’s missing?

I think it stems back to things being “different” and not being able to do anything about it. It’s the exact same way I feel about my girls now, being a divorced single mom myself. Do I wish I was still married to my ex-husband? NO! Getting divorced was the best thing for us! It wasn’t until after we were separated and I started working on myself that I realized how much manipulation and control I was living under. But that doesn’t mean that I’m glad for the tears my girls have cried, the hurt they’ve felt, or the confusion they’re still trying to wrap their little minds around. They may not really understand or come to grips with the present time for decades, and I know exactly what that’s like.

So, yes, Father’s Day is weird, just like every single other holiday when you’re the child from a divorced family. There’s a constant feeling of never being settled, never really at home no matter where you go, but your own home, feeling like you’re walking on eggshells to protect any and all parties, and unconsciously playing referee with all stories, news and updates. As my girls grow I hope I continue to cognizant of how I feel right now so I can do my best to keep them from feeling the same way. We shall see…

In the mean time, Happy Father’s Day to everyone:

  • To all the Dads who want and try to be around more even if you’re not with your kid’s mother
  • To all the Father’s who chose your children instead of raising them by biological obligation,
  • Tall those single moms who are rocking the hell out of being both Mom and Dad.

I hope you enjoy your day fully!

~Amanda

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